So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
