the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
