gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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