dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
