Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
