I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
