then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
