I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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