By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
