When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
