Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
