Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
