remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
