You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
