Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
