East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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