Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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