my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
