He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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