I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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