Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
