His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
