My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
