Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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