My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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