Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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