I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
