A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
