I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
