I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
