Please, let me fuck your mom
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
