I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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