1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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