I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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