Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When are your genitals available?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
