This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Blood and glitter go together right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
