Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
