she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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