I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
