why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
