Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you had me at cake vodka
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
