thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
