just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
