i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
