It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
