oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
