i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
