I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
