Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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