I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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