"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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