Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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